She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
