Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
...so i touched it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
