About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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