do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
