so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
