You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
