Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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