why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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