She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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