I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
