just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
