Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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