Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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