I like to think it a success when the cops are called
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
