Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I believe in your delicious
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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