I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
