I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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