you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
