I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
