He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
