Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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