Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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