it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
