Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
