Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
