I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
