True but thats because hes a fetus.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
