I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
