I CAN MOONWALK!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
