I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
soo... how was my night?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
