omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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