I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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