I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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