I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
