i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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