Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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