yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
