i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
