names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
