i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
