The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
