she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
