She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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