I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
