Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
