I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
