I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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