Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
