im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
this hospital has no fireball
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
