Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
