I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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