He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
