That's intense
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
