so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
