I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
