it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
