wanna go halves on a baby?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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